Last night I discovered that my “on the mat” yoga personality completely matches my “off the mat” personality. In the middle of my class last night it occurred to me that I am just as uptight and neurotic in class as I am all the time. For instance, no matter what pose we are supposed to be in, I’m neurotically straining my neck to see the instructor. I need to see her to verify that I’m in the right pose. “Am I doing this right? Do I have the correct arm in the air? Do I look foolish? Is the instructor looking at me? Am I sure I’m doing his right?” Yes, that’s me. How many times should I need to LOOK at down dog before I’m confident that I know what I’m doing? I could ask the same question to myself about cooking pasta. How many times to I need to cook pasta before I STOP reading the instructions on the box and setting the timer to 10 minutes? It’s official. I’m sick.
When I caught myself peering across the room at the instructor last night to verify that my basic yoga pose was correct, I happened to glance over at my friend Lisa. That’s when it hit me. What a difference between me and Lisa. Lisa is a laid back, free spirited artist. While I’m worrying about if my knee is at a precise 90 degree bend, Lisa has her eyes closed and is fully immersed in the moment of yoga. She didn’t seem to have a care or worry in the world. She was completely confident in her poses and didn’t need any visual verification.
Now isn’t yoga supposed to be all about your own pace and whatever feels comfortable for you? Why am I so neurotic? I guess you can take a wild animal out of the wild. But they are still a wild animal and just because they are not in their normal habitat doesn’t mean they have changed their disposition. Once a wild animal, always a wild animal. Is there any hope for me?
4 comments:
It is great that you have recognized a flaw. All you have to do now is to just relax and enjoy this precise moment. There are no others this moment is it. There is no past or future - your life has always been, is, and will always be right now just this moment. Live it to the fullest.
OK, it looks like my husband should be writing this blog instead of me!
Well, well, well... Yes, Paula, Karlo is great for you - living in the moment is not something you can do in an instant, and yes it does come more natural for some people. However, that is the great thing about Yoga, every day and every time you practice it is a new and hopefully satisfying experience. The best thing is that you keep it up, someday you will be the one with your eyes closed, relaxing! Or is that you sleeping?
Yeah, what Karlo said!
Who cares if you're doing it "wrong". Relax and enjoy the yoga poses (as much as you can in that 40-degree room). Try to ignore the rest of the class and this week do it with your eyes closed. Pretend that you're all alone.
I can't believe that I'm making this comment to you - the one who will happily dance in front of a crowd - when I refuse to even tap my foot when people are looking at me!
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